One week ago, today, was the last time I nursed Willa. I didn't want to say anything before, because I didn't know how difficult it would be to wean her and I wasn't completely sure that that last time, was indeed, the last time. And if I think too much about it, I just get all weepy. With her being 14 months old, and a market trip without her right around the corner, I knew it was time and that dwelling on it would only make it harder. I didn't even tell Sean until it had been a couple of days. He was so sweet, didn't say much, other than, "I'm sorry...I know it must be emotional for you." (It's the greatest when they validate your feelings and just leave it at that.) Emotional, it is, but I am trying to do as my friend, Sondra, advised: looking forward to and embracing each new stage of motherhood; rather than looking back. That is some of the best advice I have received...and I'm sure it will come in handy at least a few more times along the way...a few hundred more times is more like it.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Back in my Element
I've been at work, full-time, for almost 3 weeks now. The transition has gone rather smoothly, actually, much to my surprise. Willa naps well, and behaves well at the shop. Most importantly, she and I are both enjoying our retail surroundings and each other. The shop is fully equipped with baby gear, including a crib, diapering area, play area laden with toys, endless fresh faces passing through, (even some of the baby variety), and of course Billie Jean, who does double-duty as nanny-slash-shopgirl with perfection and ease. If I'm busy with a customer or a project that requires my full attention, Billie Jean quietly takes over with Willa, playing, teaching, snacking, changing, visiting the neighbors, taking in the sun and watching the cars go by from the front porch.
Another thing that has been good for me is having Willa's crib in my office. She sleeps for a large part of the work day, which keeps me out of there and on the sales floor - where I am most valuable. My motivation is at a high and I am feeling inspired about the upcoming market and spring selling season. My head is full of ideas for updating our shamefully outdated website, and I've even created a Root blog to post new arrivals and shop news. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I'm on top of it, from the big things (properly budgeting my inventory) to the small things (promptly returning phone calls or better yet - taking them.) I am thoroughly enjoying being back in the game and realize just how much I've missed it...the merchandising and display, the everyday flow of inventory and cash that comes in and goes right back out, and especially the interaction with customers. I had almost forgotten how crazy I am about my job. Whether I am relishing in an accomplishment, or strategizing in an economic downturn, I am always happily in my element. My physical presence at the shop has nudged me into a routine that is more balanced. I've annoyed us all with my whining about my quest for balance between work and motherhood. And I actually found the answer where I never thought to look. Working more, and smarter (not harder) has alleviated the burden of guilt, stress, and worry that I have been carrying around with me. I am sleeping better, thinking more clearly, and feeling more like myself. When it comes to Willa, I am more focused and relaxed. Those feelings of maternal inadequacy have finally begun to subside. Willa must have noticed, because she seems more comfortable too. So things are very good, with the exception of the number of posts I've been turning out lately. A wise woman told me earlier, "you're always going to slack at something." Best it be blogging, I suppose.
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