Left Behind (by Sean)

For three months I had been dreading this weekend. Cassell was going to Los Angeles and I was in charge of Willa for 4 days. I was scared sh&^*less because I knew I would somehow screw things up. Okay, I'm an active dad who is involved in the parent/child relationship, but when I realized that I would have for Willa for 72+ hours straight, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I was right. I will freely admit that I now have, yet another, new level of respect for my wife in the difficult tasks she effortlessly performs everyday in raising our daughter. IT IS DAMN DIFFICULT! Willa and I plodded through the weekend making progress that would make Mommy Dearest smile. It was evident she missed her Mommy, but I used smoke and mirrors like a good magician to trick her into thinking each day was just as ordinary as the last. Still, every time she woke from a nap or sleep, she was asking for "mama, mama, mama"). I even "taught" her to lay down for her naps (all by herself) without being coaxed to sleep with a rocking chair and a rhythmic pat on the back (I am good). I have learned so much in the past 4 days, that it only reinforces my convictions, that Cassell (and most Mommies) have an extremely difficult job when they have to tend to young children, a business or job, and over-bearing husbands. Yeah, I might sound like a sap, but you Moms out there have my respect. Chupacabra salutes you all.

P.S. I can't take all of the credit. Thanks, Grammy, Grandma, and Nona for all of your help.

Planes, Shuttles, and Automobiles

I got to my destination in one piece, my heart fully intact, after enduring a painfully long day of travel and finding myself more than 1000 miles away from my baby. I had a 5 hour lay over in El Paso with a delay on top of that. It would have been a perfect blogging opportunity, if only my computer had a charge. (My cords were inconveniently stowed away in my checked baggage. I'll never make that mistake again.) I couldn't even talk or text the time away on my phone because it was almost out of battery, too. More evidence of my lack of preparedness. So I curled up in a cold, uncomfortable seat and tried to pass the time with a nap. When I finally landed at LAX, Melissa was waiting for me at the baggage claim area and I was so glad to see her friendly and familiar face.

We got our rental car, and that perked us up - it was a brand new, fresh-smelling, shiny, black Mazda 6, as opposed to my usual luck-of-the-draw light blue Ford Focus. We made our way to Beverly Hills and pulled into our home-away-from-home at the Luxe Hotel on Rodeo Drive. It's a tiny boutique hotel that Rebekah and her mom introduced my mom and me to a few trips back. We love it for its central locale, comfortable beds, delicious macaroni and cheese, and people watching. (Plus, in case you were wondering, it is affordable, as long as you know how to budget the rest of your trip.) As Melissa and I entered the lobby, we were chattering amongst ourselves and rummaging in our bags for our travel credentials when we were greeted by a familiar voice. "Welcome to the Luxe. How are you doing?" And we looked up to find the unmistakable face of Joan Rivers. We were, of course, star-struck, but I managed to answer her with a sheepish, "Fine. Thanks." (I'm quick-witted like that.) We were in such awe of her young-looking, flawless skin and her well-proportioned facial features! For real, she's so pretty in person! Anyway, then she shushed us and we played it cool and stood quietly in the background as she wrapped up the segment she was filming. We were told it had something to do with her new reality show. Who knows? Sure was a fun welcome, though. I love LA.

After settling into our room, we decided to head down to the hotel restaurant for a glass of wine and some of that mac n' bleu cheese, but we were disappointed by news of a new chef, with a new menu that no longer includes the insanely delicious dish. We had some minuscule fish entree, instead. Over dinner, we befriended a buxom blond with a pleasing German accent and all sorts of Beverly Hills scoop. She owns (and has a patent on) the one-and- only leopard limo service. Yes, leopard. Click here and see for yourself. Just in case traveling around Beverly Hills in a sleek black limo isn't excessive enough for you, you can call my friend, Yvonne, and she'll hook you up with a leopard one. I have her number, so just let me know.

We turned in early and I looked forward to having the deepest sleep I've had in the last 15 months. Instead, I slept terribly, due to a horrendous headache I'm blaming on a combination of airplane travel, California smog, and a little Willa-withdrawal.

Saturday morning came too soon, but we hit market early and knocked out all of my appointments by 7 pm. After the fashion fest, we met up with the Sauer/Parsons of the neighboring store Beulah's, and headed west to Santa Monica for a yummy dinner at Boa Steakhouse. Mmmmm. Except for the fact that the truffle butter mashed potatoes have vanished from the menu. Still, mmmmm.

Sunday was filled with more appointments but I hit my limit around 4 o'clock and we all decided to spend the rest of the day with a little self-indulgent shopping. Rebekah, Melissa and I freshened up and headed out. I bought a one-of-a-kind dress off of a sample sale rack at a shop called Jigsaw. We all found a little something special, and then we wrapped up the evening and our trip with dinner at Il Fornaio (one of Yvonne's recommendations.) The self-indulgence resumed as we dined on warm goat cheese-smothered eggplant, sausage-filled spinach ravioli, and other equally-decadent Italian dishes. A trio of desserts followed.

The short trip ended today. Melissa and I packed our things this morning then ran around the corner to purchase a few "souvenirs" from Crib and Lululemon. And here I am, back at the airport, awaiting my flight back home. I am so ready to see Willa and give her a big kiss and hug. I am really missing her now. I hope she remembers me.

Baby-less

I just have a few minutes to post while I sit in the airport terminal awaiting my flight to LA. Sean and Willa just dropped me off a little while ago, and I'll be meeting Melissa at LAX in a few hours. It is very early in the morning, and I had little sleep last night. But I can't let that slow me down - I have a nonstop weekend ahead, filled with market appointments, shopping and dining at my favorite spots, possibly a couple hours of spa pampering, and maybe even some celebrity sightings. We'll have to see what the limited time and budgeted funds will allow.

As much as I have dreaded this first trip away from Willa, I'm not all that emotional about it this morning. This past week has worn me out so much that I think I'm too tired to even process it. Billie Jean was out all week, and town was swarming with Spring Breakers. So I was basically on my own (with Willa) until my after school help came in each day. Business has been very good at the shop and the B&B has been booked solid. It hasn't been easy trying to hold everything down while preparing for this trip and spending extra quality time with my girl. It has been true exercise in multi-tasking and delegating.

Yesterday, I asked Caitlan, who happens to be on the Work Program at FHS, to take an Emergency Work Day and help me at the shop all day. I had a hair appointment first thing in the morning and finally got my embarrassing roots taken care of. (I'm just barely a blond nowadays, thanks to full-fledged adulthood and pregnancy hormones.) Then I ran an errand I've been trying to get to for the past three weeks, and stocked up on my face products. (Sean's bar of Dove soap was starting to take a toll on my skin.) When I got to the store, I put Willa down for her morning nap, threw on my imaginary maid uniform, and headed upstairs to scrub the tubs and toilets before the new B&B guests arrived. Thankfully, Billie Jean got back into town just in time to come to my rescue and entertain Willa for a while after her nap. I used that time to get some new merchandise out on the floor, finalize my market schedule, and prepare my budget. Sean came a little later and picked up Willa so I could stay late and make sure everything was in order in my office, the bills were paid, the deposits were made, the emails were answered, etc. Sean and Willa met me at my mom's for dinner (thanks, Mom!), then we went home, put Willa to bed, and I started packing. I had to run back up to the shop at 10 pm for some extra outfits because I realized at the last minute that I hate all of my clothes. It is crucial to feel good about your fashion choices when attending the LA Fashion Market. FYI.

Okay, my flight is boarding...Gotta run! I'll try to be in touch!

Hmmm

One of my favorite illustrators, Ashley Goldberg, is now taking commissions for custom portraits! Two of her sweet pieces currently hang in Willa's room. And I already have a foursome of her 'couples' prints in the bedroom. Wouldn't it be neat to have an original Sean+Cassell to add to the mix?

Etsy Find

Another one of my Etsy favorites is Mette. I LOVE the mod shapes, bold colors, and the fact that the model reminds me of Willa.

Frou Frou

This gorgeous silk dress came in today at Beulah's. Rebekah used Willa as a model, and she looked so pretty, I teared up. And then I bought the dress. Uh, of course I did.

No Looking Back (Can You Hear the Pangs of my Heart?)

One week ago, today, was the last time I nursed Willa. I didn't want to say anything before, because I didn't know how difficult it would be to wean her and I wasn't completely sure that that last time, was indeed, the last time. And if I think too much about it, I just get all weepy. With her being 14 months old, and a market trip without her right around the corner, I knew it was time and that dwelling on it would only make it harder. I didn't even tell Sean until it had been a couple of days. He was so sweet, didn't say much, other than, "I'm sorry...I know it must be emotional for you." (It's the greatest when they validate your feelings and just leave it at that.) Emotional, it is, but I am trying to do as my friend, Sondra, advised: looking forward to and embracing each new stage of motherhood; rather than looking back. That is some of the best advice I have received...and I'm sure it will come in handy at least a few more times along the way...a few hundred more times is more like it.

Bracelet Bandita

Back in my Element

I've been at work, full-time, for almost 3 weeks now. The transition has gone rather smoothly, actually, much to my surprise. Willa naps well, and behaves well at the shop. Most importantly, she and I are both enjoying our retail surroundings and each other. The shop is fully equipped with baby gear, including a crib, diapering area, play area laden with toys, endless fresh faces passing through, (even some of the baby variety), and of course Billie Jean, who does double-duty as nanny-slash-shopgirl with perfection and ease. If I'm busy with a customer or a project that requires my full attention, Billie Jean quietly takes over with Willa, playing, teaching, snacking, changing, visiting the neighbors, taking in the sun and watching the cars go by from the front porch.

Another thing that has been good for me is having Willa's crib in my office. She sleeps for a large part of the work day, which keeps me out of there and on the sales floor - where I am most valuable. My motivation is at a high and I am feeling inspired about the upcoming market and spring selling season. My head is full of ideas for updating our shamefully outdated website, and I've even created a Root blog to post new arrivals and shop news. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I'm on top of it, from the big things (properly budgeting my inventory) to the small things (promptly returning phone calls or better yet - taking them.) I am thoroughly enjoying being back in the game and realize just how much I've missed it...the merchandising and display, the everyday flow of inventory and cash that comes in and goes right back out, and especially the interaction with customers. I had almost forgotten how crazy I am about my job. Whether I am relishing in an accomplishment, or strategizing in an economic downturn, I am always happily in my element. My physical presence at the shop has nudged me into a routine that is more balanced. I've annoyed us all with my whining about my quest for balance between work and motherhood. And I actually found the answer where I never thought to look. Working more, and smarter (not harder) has alleviated the burden of guilt, stress, and worry that I have been carrying around with me. I am sleeping better, thinking more clearly, and feeling more like myself. When it comes to Willa, I am more focused and relaxed. Those feelings of maternal inadequacy have finally begun to subside. Willa must have noticed, because she seems more comfortable too. So things are very good, with the exception of the number of posts I've been turning out lately. A wise woman told me earlier, "you're always going to slack at something." Best it be blogging, I suppose.

Did I Mention the Sangria?

My Uncle Phillip visited us last week from NYC. And my other uncle, Jimmy, had a birthday. So we celebrated with a big Penick family lunch, al fresca, at Altdorf, complete with a couple of refreshing pitchers of sangria. I took a whole bunch of pictures, but somehow didn't get a single one the birthday boy or our out-of-town visitor. I did, however, end up with plenty of Willa and Cash and their doting grandmothers. And the sangria was de-li-cious! (Willa is sporting another adorable frock by my friend Sondra of Ruffled Clothing.)