Monday, August 9, 2010

Letters to the Twins, Part Six



Twinkie and Twinkette,

Well here we are, at the end of your gestation, and I'm only 36 weeks and 1 day. After 6 weeks of strict and diligent bed rest, you are still determined to come early. (You must only have a dash of Penick in you.) I have dilated to 5 centimeters and I'm 70% effaced. Since at least one of you is still breech, we're going in for a scheduled cesarean today, in a race against my progressing labor. Though I am completely terrified, I am so ready for you. I have had plenty of time to prepare for this day, but feel so utterly unprepared. I have had a ton of visitors in my hospital room, all wanting to stroke the big twin belly one last time and share in the excitement of your impending arrival. Everyone is giddy and happy-go-lucky. Everyone, that is, except for your daddy and me. He's just plain nervous. My nervousness has reached a whole new, uncharted tier. It's been a kind of out of body experience for me. I don't believe there is a word for what I am feeling. It's a mix of so many things and heavy on the emotion. I am feeling a bit rushed today, but glad you're going to have such an awesome birthday. (08-09-10) I am excited for Willa to have siblings, but uneasy and a little sad that she doesn't quite understand the change that is about to take place. I am so happy for the relief my pelvis is about to experience, but a little guilty that I'm thinking of me. I am eager to finally see your faces and hold you in my arms, but more than a little horrified for the nurse to come wheel me off to surgery. We've had a rough road, you and you, and I, but the end is kind of bittersweet. Watching the clock, waiting for five, the hours are both creeping and flying by. I'm finding that going into labor is nice...pain is good...it occupies the mind. A scheduled c-section is just eerie. It's showtime. See you in a bit!

Love and kisses,

Mama

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