Still There?

Okay, I've been a very, very bad blogger. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I've tried to put my thoughts into a post several times, but the truth is, I have been way too stressed to make any sense. Trust me, and be glad that I've spared you my incoherent ramblings and taken this little vacation from Sprouting Daisies. I'm back now, and that's all that matters, right? I'm still stressed, but who isn't these days? My worries are no bigger than anybody else's, but they are relative.

I have been swamped with work, between the loose ends of 2008, and Jordan's departure. (I know, it's not a departure, it just feels like one.) The Roadrunner is surprisingly going strong and there is even some talk about a couple of V.I.P.'s coming to check it out and (cross your fingers) give us some free press. That has naturally sent me into a panic. My other business, however, is suffering from this fledgling economy, and I can't even make a dent in my stack of past due bills. Supposedly, one quarter of American retail establishments are expected to close in 2009, and according to my Yahoo homepage, clothing is among the first luxury consumers plan to cut. Rest assured, concerned friends, Root has a very good chance of survival. But I am aware of what is going on in the world and realistic of all the possibilities. (Anybody know what a pair of alpacas is going for these days?) I am trying to keep my overhead costs to a minimum by taking advantage of my own dirt cheap (free) labor and being there as much I can, but that isn't as easy as I had naively hoped. Willa is only entertained for about 10 minutes in her brand new fully-stocked play enclosure, and wants to be up front where she can eat raw lima beans out of the jewelry display and make me completely paranoid that she might slink out of the front door and onto U.S. Highway 290. (Just in case anybody is wondering what the big deal is and why I haven't taken Willa to a sitter, well, stay tuned...I'll explain it in a future post, entitled The Scars of My Infertility, and you'll wish you had never asked.) I'm aware that I am a tad addicted to Willa's company, but I honestly just want what is best for her. And what is best for her right now is to be with ME! So what am I to do? (Don't answer that.) To make matters worse, in just two short months, I will be leaving Willa behind for the first time, as I travel to L.A. for several days of market. And there's one more thing... I am still breastfeeding, and this upcoming trip will also bring the dreaded, yet inevitable end to that!

It's certainly not anything that I can't handle. In fact, I feel better already. This venting has cleared my head and I feel like blogging again. You'll be hearing from me soon, with optimism...and new pictures of Willa!

Look Who's Walking!

The photos speak for themselves...Willa's walking! It didn't happen overnight like everybody said it would. She has been taking a few steps here and there over the last month. But as of today, she has given up crawling. The photos were taken today as she was strutting her stuff out in front of the shop. The adorable dress was a handmade, custom-designed birthday present from my friend, Sondra. She is so creative and talented, and always knows just what I like...I mean, what Willa likes. Check out her Etsy shop and buy a piece or two.

There's more...Willa has also mastered a couple of signs, 'milk', and 'all done.' Finally. Mastered. It is the coolest thing I've seen her do yet. I am so glad I stuck with it, because the ability to communicate clearly with a one year old child is nothing short of amazing. They say that once a baby picks up a couple of signs and begins to grasp the cause and effect factor, the other signs will follow quickly and easily. We'll see about that. For now, I'm just signing and talking and reinforcing by meeting her every non-verbal request. I'm going to try to get a video of her doing it, because words can not do it justice. Her gestures are perfectly precise, sharp, and intentional. And it is precious!

I have tried reading to Willa off and on, since her birth, but she has had no interest in it and doesn't sit still for five seconds. But lately, she has become fascinated by books and loves to leaf through them. So I have started reading her a story most nights before bed. She points at the illustrations and turns the pages for me. She still has a pretty short attention span, but we get further and further through them each time. Today, she was playing with a little board book while I was drinking my morning coffee, and she brought it to me and handed it over as if she wanted me to read it to her. I sat her next to me on the couch and read the whole thing. (All four pages.) We're making progress.

She seems to have "Mama" and "Dada" down. She points to the door after Sean leaves and says "Dada," for instance. She says "hot," (but that's old news) and meows when she spies the cat. Today, she pointed to a dog and said "dot" and "woof-woof." And my mom swears Willa repeated the words, "Alli" and "diaper." I don't know about that...I'm sure she's a prodigy, but still, I'm going to have to hear those for myself.

She LOVES bracelets and plays with them all of the time. I have a whole bunch of bangles in the bottom drawer of my bathroom, the one we allow her to rifle through. She puts two or three of them on and wears them around the house. Could this mean that she's becoming girly? Oh, I hope so!

But her favorite thing of all is dancing! Who would have thought that my greatest fear would be my daughter's greatest passion. Nothing really surprises me anymore. She dances to every beat she hears, even the beat of the washing machine. I'll try to get a video of this, too. It is hilarious.

An Austin Playdate

On Wednesday, Willa and I made an impromptu little trip to Austin for lunch and a playdate with Jenifer and Reyn. Sondra and Chloe met up with us for a little while, too. It was so much fun and a great escape from the routine. I don't know why we don't do this more often.

Meet Chloe

Chloe Dean was born to my dear friend, Sondra Primeaux, on November 3rd. (Same day as Cash) She is a precious and teeny little girl. And I was lucky enough to finally meet her this week. I didn't get to hold her though, because Willa was all over the place. Hopefully we'll all get together again real soon. A belated congrats to Sondra and Mark (who, by the way, I still have not met...Sondra.)

New Year:New Game Plan

Yesterday, Jordan told me that she has decided to take a step back from her managerial role at Root and into a situation that will better suit her life with the new baby, Cash. We still have to iron out the details, but she plans to set up an office at home and continue to do bookkeeping for Root and The Roadrunner, while taking on more of the same for the Bakery. She'll hone in on her expertise in finance and bookkeeping, and streamline her workload, which will promote more efficiency and productivity, increased income, and decreased stress.

Of course I am disappointed, but I completely know where she is coming from. Not only do I appreciate her tremendously as an employee, I love her dearly as a friend and want what is best for her and her family. But still, it came as a surprise and well, feels like I've gotten dumped. We both laughed through giant tears as she assured me, "it's not you, it's just me." I couldn't help but to let my emotions get the best of me and failed miserably at keeping it together.

Jordan is a huge asset to the store, and I have come to rely on her for more than either of us realized...until now. Having her there enabled me to take a much needed break and adjust to motherhood. After 7 years of doing it all myself, it was easy to hand over the reins to someone so trustworthy and competent. And even now that I'm back in the picture, having Jordan managing has allowed me to enjoy the business I've built from a completely different perspective. She gave me peace of mind that was priceless. And it was comforting to have her around to share in the trials and triumphs (of both retail and motherhood.) But over the last few weeks since she's been back from maternity leave, she has given me strength as my confidant, another working mother, determined to have both, struggling to wear two heavy hats on a single, sleep-deprived head.

There was one busy day a month or so ago, when Jordan and I worked together...with both Willa and Cash...and no other help. I won't get into the details of it, but it was challenging. Tears were shed, and not just by the babies. By closing time, I was bedraggled from the hectic day of juggling, but also filled with fresh enthusiasm and grit, a sense of post-adolescent girl-power. I felt so proud to be a devoted mother and businesswoman, and satisfied with my unwillingness to choose between the two.

Now, I know Jordan is going to read this, and I hope she takes it as it is intended, as an enormous compliment. I respect her decision and completely understand and relate.

I have to keep reminding myself, though, that she isn't quitting. She'll still be around, just less often. And she will keep on doing an amazing job, insuring that the accounts are in balance and the bills are paid, and plenty more. I'll be back in charge at the shop, with my nose to the familiar grindstone. Willa will be with me, 'cause I won't have it any other way. And it will all be just fine because it has to be.

Patience is a Virtue

I know. I know. I know. I have not abandoned you. I'm still here. It's just that I have had so many thoughts running through my head, I have not been able to organize them and put them to a post. I'm currently working on a few new posts, with topics that span New Year's Resolutions, a play date and brand new girlfriend for Willa, and a major change at work, so please stay tuned...

Looking Back

I came across this photo and wanted to share. She's about 5 days old here. I can't believe how quickly the time has passed and how much she has changed! (And how much she has changed everything.)