Third Time Proves a Charm

When I last posted, Sean and I were about half way along in our third consecutive frozen embryo transfer. I wasn't quite my optimistic self. It was tough for me, going through it during the holidays. But I didn't have much choice. Stopping or taking a break from treatment would have meant giving up. And the mental state that would have put me in, oh let's not even imagine.

Frustration over our previous failed attempts and our growing medical debt had sent us into a state of desperation. We had already spent about $6000 (thanks to my loyal MasterCard and American Express) and had gone through half of our embryos. I had endured nearly 3 months of hormone support in the form of pills and needles. Suddenly, we found ourselves willing to take on the risk that once seemed so frightening. If transferring two embryos would increase our chances of a pregnancy by 10%, it was worth it now. Physically, emotionally, and financially, a no-brainer.

We arrived for the transfer on December 18th and were once again cautiously hopeful, and nervous about what the thaw report would reveal. (Remember our last cycle - one embryo was thawed and survived but was not expanding. All that effort - for such little chance of implantation and a successful pregnancy.) Well, ironically both of the embryos this go-round were of excellent quality. "As good as it gets," said the doc. We left the hospital with our hopes restored.

(Two tiny humans - 5 days past conception. Amazing, isn't it?)

Then came the two-week wait. It sucked, as it always does. My pregnancy test fell on the Sunday of Willa's birthday. I am not being dramatic when I tell you that I was severely ill with cedar fever or the worst sinus infection of my life, and hadn't been able to sleep in 48 hours (because the pillow hurt my face.) And Sean, Willa, and I headed all the way to Austin at 6am to have my blood drawn because it was the closest lab that was open on a Sunday and could give us same-day results. That afternoon, my nurse called, and I could instantly detect the extra pep in her voice. My pregnancy test was positive and I was 4 weeks along. Not only that, but my HCG level was high enough (178) that I didn't have to go back for a 48 hour retest. I had more of the pregnancy hormone than I did with Willa at 4 weeks and that had turned out great. (Obviously.) Over the next week, my sinus misery was gradually replaced with all-day-morning-sickness, heartburn, metallic-mouth, and exhaustion. I definitely felt pregnant (physically, at least) and I welcomed the symptoms as reassurance. I had another test the following week, and while I was at the lab, I used the restroom and was slapped in the face with an emotional setback when I noticed that I was spotting. The IVF nurse tried her best to convince me not to worry until my levels came back from the lab. Apparently, it's common in early pregnancy to have a little bleeding or spotting. I wouldn't get my test results until the next day and no words or statistics were going to make me feel better in the meantime. Thankfully, by the following day, the bleeding had tapered off, and I got the results of my second test. It revealed extreme levels of HCG (8776) and in 24 hours my head went from certain miscarriage, to twin wonder. Ah, the roller coaster.

A third blood test and two weeks later, my ultrasound appointment finally arrived. Sean couldn't understand why I was so nervous. At this point, I think you just become conditioned to bad news. And I didn't know if we would see any hearts beating, let alone two. The doctor came in, congratulated us, and made reference to the fact that here we were...pregnant, and having finally taken the double-embryo plunge, we were faced with a very real possibility of twins. She realized how we had been so careful to avoid that possibility in our previous cycles. Again with the irony.

I have never really been able to see what's what on those ultrasound monitors. But this was clear as day. Two sacks, two beating hearts. TWINS.

Sean and I are pretty overwhelmed with everything right now. A twin pregnancy is high-risk and I can honestly say that all those worries I experienced when I was pregnant with Willa are back, and have been multiplied by 2. I have to admit, I am both fascinated and fearful of the impending growth of my midsection. I will definitely be documenting that so prepare yourselves. And there are also so many decisions to be made, new things to learn, and logistics to figure out - from new doctor, to new car, to kid/crib placement in our less-than-sprawling 2/2, possible cesarean, tandem nursing, power-pumping, double strolling, and whew, I better stop right there.

Now, in case you couldn't tell, Sean and I are truly thrilled. We always wanted a big family. And in just about 7 more months, our brood of one will have grown by 200%.

I'm going to take it easy and limit my first trimester goals to deciding on an obstetrician, resting and taking my prenatal vitamin daily, and eating enough, despite my queasy stomach. Definitely easier said than done. So wish me luck!