The Twins at 29 Weeks

In case you were wondering how things are looking inside that big belly of mine...here are the latest ultrasound images from last week's appointment. The two on the left side show both babies and their positions, in relation to each other. To my dismay, they have flipped to a double breech position, and have their heads together as if to be concocting even more mischief. The top right image is a straight on shot of baby boy's face, and the bottom right is that of baby girl's. Everything is measuring right on track...she's 3.3 lbs, and he's right behind at 3.2. So all is well, and appears to be healthy with no signs of any problems or premature labor. And there's not much else we can tell, except that they are awesome!

Letters To The Twins, Part Two

My favorite duet,

Here we are, already four months into your prenatal development. Since we have entered our second trimester, time has really started flying! Each day, I feel a little bit more like myself. The nausea is almost gone completely, my energy is increasing, and my I-can-handle-this confidence is mounting. We got to peek in on you last week and discovered the most exciting details about the two of you! One of you is a girl, and one of you is a boy! What a perfect combination! It was so neat to see where exactly each of you are in my womb, and which one of you is doing the thumping, which at least for now, I cannot get enough of. I can't wait until you grow big and strong enough that your daddy and Willa can feel too. It is the sweetest reminder that you're in there and the most precious reassurance that you're okay. (I hate that I'm already having to say this, but sweet boy, stop kicking your sister in the head! In fact, just turn around, it'll make things easier on all of us.) Your bones must be getting stronger, because you are sure using up the calcium and I can feel it. I'm taking in plenty of extra now, so there should be more than enough to go around. At five inches in length from crown to rump, you are growing more noticeably than I am. But I'm certain that it's just a matter of time before my innie gives way and my middle protrudes. Feel free to stretch out, I have a long torso and I'm willing to accommodate. In a couple of weeks, we will get to see you again in a more specialized ultrasound with a perinatologist. We are so eager to catch a glimpse of your sweet faces! As the mystery of whom each of you are unfolds, we look more and more forward to knowing and loving you.

Letters to the Twins, Part One

My dear twin peeps,

You've hardly caused a bump, but oh, the havoc you have wreaked! I've emerged from the first trimester in one piece, though it hasn't been pretty! You and I have been high-maintenance, to say the least. Your daddy almost gave up on ever reuniting with the pleasant pre-twin-pregnancy version of me and threatened to pack up and head to the ranch, with your sister in tow, for an extended vacation. Surprisingly, the store didn't crumble, due to my compromised abilities. I am amazed that the household filth generated by the dog, the toddler, the man, the my temporarily slovenly self has not accumulated enough to bury us all. Needless to say, I've been TIRED. Irritable. Nauseated. And, oddly, congested and allergic like never before in my life. But it's all been for good reason. You have clearly needed the energy more than I do, with your rapid development and the complex construction of all of your bodily systems. And like any mother, I'm happy to merely survive so that you two can thrive. Just know that once you get here, I expect you to be good sleepers. You owe me that. Things have improved over the last couple of weeks. You've eased up on me now that your physical development is mostly complete, and I can definitely feel the difference. I was able to take Willa to the park for a picnic yesterday. I hope the slide wasn't too much for you. Anyway, the more days we can have like that, the easier your big sis is going to be on you when you get here. My nausea has subsided, for the most part. It's only when I miss your signal and don't feed you on time, that you stick it to me. In which case, I deserve it. I feel less depleted and have these exciting, yet fleeting moments of energy. I hesitate to act on them, though, for fear that they are only an illusion that is suckering me into some physical activity that I'll pay for later. I'm trying to prepare for your arrival as best I can, by picking the brains of other twin mamas and reading whatever I can find on the subject. I tell you what, nobody has candy coated it! And I'm actually grateful for their honestly. It's better to know what to expect. Willa is making room for you, too. She has already given up diapers in anticipation of the toll your pants are going to take on the landfill. Bringing you home will be the biggest challenge of my life. But I'm up for it. I'm your mom! And I'm sure your daddy and I wouldn't have been given anything that we can't handle. So rest assured, you're in good hands. We wanted you more than you'll ever know, and love you both already!

{I owe credit to PacingThePanicRoom for inspiring me to track my belly and pregnancy progress in this way. The blogger is an awesome photographer who adores his wife and did a weekly series of maternity photos and notes to their baby. It's worth clicking over and checking it out. So sweet. And the awesome photographer that I've enlisted is Jennifer Lankford of PortraitsByJenn. Her site is worth checking out too!}

Third Time Proves a Charm

When I last posted, Sean and I were about half way along in our third consecutive frozen embryo transfer. I wasn't quite my optimistic self. It was tough for me, going through it during the holidays. But I didn't have much choice. Stopping or taking a break from treatment would have meant giving up. And the mental state that would have put me in, oh let's not even imagine.

Frustration over our previous failed attempts and our growing medical debt had sent us into a state of desperation. We had already spent about $6000 (thanks to my loyal MasterCard and American Express) and had gone through half of our embryos. I had endured nearly 3 months of hormone support in the form of pills and needles. Suddenly, we found ourselves willing to take on the risk that once seemed so frightening. If transferring two embryos would increase our chances of a pregnancy by 10%, it was worth it now. Physically, emotionally, and financially, a no-brainer.

We arrived for the transfer on December 18th and were once again cautiously hopeful, and nervous about what the thaw report would reveal. (Remember our last cycle - one embryo was thawed and survived but was not expanding. All that effort - for such little chance of implantation and a successful pregnancy.) Well, ironically both of the embryos this go-round were of excellent quality. "As good as it gets," said the doc. We left the hospital with our hopes restored.

(Two tiny humans - 5 days past conception. Amazing, isn't it?)

Then came the two-week wait. It sucked, as it always does. My pregnancy test fell on the Sunday of Willa's birthday. I am not being dramatic when I tell you that I was severely ill with cedar fever or the worst sinus infection of my life, and hadn't been able to sleep in 48 hours (because the pillow hurt my face.) And Sean, Willa, and I headed all the way to Austin at 6am to have my blood drawn because it was the closest lab that was open on a Sunday and could give us same-day results. That afternoon, my nurse called, and I could instantly detect the extra pep in her voice. My pregnancy test was positive and I was 4 weeks along. Not only that, but my HCG level was high enough (178) that I didn't have to go back for a 48 hour retest. I had more of the pregnancy hormone than I did with Willa at 4 weeks and that had turned out great. (Obviously.) Over the next week, my sinus misery was gradually replaced with all-day-morning-sickness, heartburn, metallic-mouth, and exhaustion. I definitely felt pregnant (physically, at least) and I welcomed the symptoms as reassurance. I had another test the following week, and while I was at the lab, I used the restroom and was slapped in the face with an emotional setback when I noticed that I was spotting. The IVF nurse tried her best to convince me not to worry until my levels came back from the lab. Apparently, it's common in early pregnancy to have a little bleeding or spotting. I wouldn't get my test results until the next day and no words or statistics were going to make me feel better in the meantime. Thankfully, by the following day, the bleeding had tapered off, and I got the results of my second test. It revealed extreme levels of HCG (8776) and in 24 hours my head went from certain miscarriage, to twin wonder. Ah, the roller coaster.

A third blood test and two weeks later, my ultrasound appointment finally arrived. Sean couldn't understand why I was so nervous. At this point, I think you just become conditioned to bad news. And I didn't know if we would see any hearts beating, let alone two. The doctor came in, congratulated us, and made reference to the fact that here we were...pregnant, and having finally taken the double-embryo plunge, we were faced with a very real possibility of twins. She realized how we had been so careful to avoid that possibility in our previous cycles. Again with the irony.

I have never really been able to see what's what on those ultrasound monitors. But this was clear as day. Two sacks, two beating hearts. TWINS.

Sean and I are pretty overwhelmed with everything right now. A twin pregnancy is high-risk and I can honestly say that all those worries I experienced when I was pregnant with Willa are back, and have been multiplied by 2. I have to admit, I am both fascinated and fearful of the impending growth of my midsection. I will definitely be documenting that so prepare yourselves. And there are also so many decisions to be made, new things to learn, and logistics to figure out - from new doctor, to new car, to kid/crib placement in our less-than-sprawling 2/2, possible cesarean, tandem nursing, power-pumping, double strolling, and whew, I better stop right there.

Now, in case you couldn't tell, Sean and I are truly thrilled. We always wanted a big family. And in just about 7 more months, our brood of one will have grown by 200%.

I'm going to take it easy and limit my first trimester goals to deciding on an obstetrician, resting and taking my prenatal vitamin daily, and eating enough, despite my queasy stomach. Definitely easier said than done. So wish me luck!